ODE TO SANITATION

This poem by Pierre Berton is reprinted from the Toronto Star.

As scientists, we must admit, the Russians have us beat .

But there’s one branch of research in which they can’t compete; Our plumbing is the envy of every western nation:

We may not put up sputniks—but we're tops in sanitation.

Oh, we invented Lifebuoy, when Stalin was a tot And we developed Listerine before the tsar was shot.

Now we've come up with Mum and Ban and Duz and Tide and Vel.

We only need one other thing to give those Russians hell:

So every American, from Ike to Gravel Gertie, Is praying that we'll soon perfect A bomb that isn’t dirty...

We got to have a clean bomb— An absolutely antiseptic, socially acceptable, pristine bomb.

Now war's a filthy business; We don’t want it to recur.

So we've got to have a clean bomb to Detergently deter.

We want a right bomb, Whiter than white bomb, A bomb to knock the spots off of that dirty Muscovite bomb.

And if we have to drop it You'll see our victims grin For we'll have the only H-bomb That’s made with lanolin.

We got to have a clean bomb— A tested-and-approved- by-Good- Housekeepingmagazine bomb.

So when the mushroom cloud goes up And folks die by the acre They won’t be plagued by strontium-90 When they meet their Maker.

We want a demure bomb, Safe and sure bomb, Ninety-nine-and-forty-four-one-hundreths per “cent. pure bomb And though our victims call out Every time our bombs go past ’em We can promise that there won’t be any Fall-out when we blast ’em.

As scientists, we must admit, the Russians have the edge, But as leaders of the western world, we make TOM KEMP — HARRY FINCH: “ BRIAN PEARCE _.

PETER FRYER.

this solemn pledge:

We'll keep sending chromium bath tubs to the Sikhs and Japanese; We'll keep putting Cannon towels in every box of Breeze; We'll ship Kleenex to the Eskimoes, although it may not suit ’em.

And if we’re forced to bomb ’em, those bombs will not pollute ’em.

We got to have a clean bomb— An_ undefiled, untarnished and untainted sweet-sixteen bomb.

Our enemies will thank us For our faith in sanitation:

We may blow them all to pieces But there'll be no radiation.

We want an okay bomb, British fair play bomb, With more active dirt remover than any other A-bomb Now Sani-Sealed in Pliofilm To answer our demands, When it finally explodes it won’t Be touched by human hands.

We got to have a clean bomb— The kind of bomb it’s safe to give your kids on Hallowe’en bomb.

Now that bomb may kill ten thousand Little children in the night, But when they lay those corpses out They'll all be Rinso-white.

We want a chaste bomb, In good taste bomb, An altogether ethical, high-principled, straitlaced bomb.

Our heritage is Puritan— That’s why we’re dedicated; Our high explosives, like our books Are better expurgated.

As scientists, we must admit, the Russians are one-up.

But we invented Sani-Flush when Khrushchev was a pup.

They may have sputniks in the air, (We wince to hear them coming)

But we couldn’t raise a satellite Without the proper plumbing.

We can’t stand contamination!

We consider it obscene!

And we'll never fight a dirty war Without a bomb that’s clean.

4 INDUSTRY HARLAND AND WOLFF STRIKERS FIGHT ON AGAINST SACKINGS AND VICTIMIZATIONS From Our Industrial) Correspondent ‘WE continue the strike. That was the unanimous decision of our members,’ said David Forfar, convener of shop stewards at Harland and Wolff, Scotstoun (Glasgow), where the fitting section has been out since — December 8.

The strike is due to continual redundancies at the factory” —despite the workers efforts to force the employers to share the work—and the victimization of the sub-convener.

The vote to carry on the fight was taken at a meeting of strikers called by Glasgow district committee of the Amalgamated Engineering Union three days before the Christmas holiday. — :

The meeting also endorsed the three objects of the strike:

1) The prevention of all future redundancies by sharing the available work;

2) The reinstatement of the sub-convener; and 3) The reinstatement of all the workers previously declared redundant who are stili on the Labour Exchange.

Clyde stewards’ emergency conference To rally support for their fight against redundancy the strike committee called an emergency conference of Clyde shop stewards, attended by over 100 stewards from about twenty factories.

Support and financial help was promised, and the stewards -recognized that the principles involved in this dispute affect every worker, irrespective of his union, and that the strikers are struggling not only against the Harland combine but against the Clyde Employers’ Federation as a whole.

Tt was decided to hold a recall conference soon after the New Year holiday.

This support strengthened the men’s determination to continue their action at such a difficult time of the year. So did the report that since the strike began “fie management had launched an attack on the prices of jobs in the plating section of the factory.

The cuts were so big that the platers also have taken strike Browns had announced their intention of reopening the ‘job with any labour they desired. The unions opposed this ‘and threatened to ‘black’ them nationally.

Finally Browns submitted a list of eighty-six names of men who had originally worked on the site, and said they were prepared to re-employ them.

‘Not one steward, deputy steward, or former steward was included in this list. , None of the seven unions represented at the talks accepted A leaflet issued by the liaison committee denounces the employer's proposals under the heading: ‘No militants are wanted.’ ‘The gloves are off,’ it declares. _;, -dfugh Barr. former chief steward at Sir William Arrol’s told me: ‘We have stood firm here for twelve weeks and we intend to stick out until we have won our fight for the reinstatement of all available labour.’